Thursday, March 24, 2005
i-don't-know's
i don't exactly know what's happening to me lately. for instance, i don't know what i am doing online when i haven't even finished reading my oblicon book, which according to my schedule, should have been finished by yesterday. i haven't been my usual self lately. as to why? i also don't know.
i've been on my regular routine for almost-exams week like studying in starbucks the whole day and sleeping late and waking up late also. i seem to be able to get to absorb some of the stuff i'm reading. but i happen to not feel that everything's alright. again, i don't know why.
the only thing i know (and am sure of) is that i shouldn't be letting myself have these thoughts at this time simply because it's exams week. then again, they keep coming back, they seem to haunt me. i don't know why. i could have easily thought of these things in the past when i had more time. but no. it just has to happen now. i don't know if its main purpose is to keep me out of focus from reviewing.
i feel sad, disturbed and confused... there are reasons apparently. what i'm not sure of is if they are reasons at all. i feel helpless and so alone. i normally have instant "solutions" to these. but right now, my defenses are all down. again, i don't know why.
there are things that are most properly just left "hanging around" my head if only to keep my sanity and not to disturb the "normal" order of things. for how long? i don't particularly know... maybe, just maybe, forever.
i've been on my regular routine for almost-exams week like studying in starbucks the whole day and sleeping late and waking up late also. i seem to be able to get to absorb some of the stuff i'm reading. but i happen to not feel that everything's alright. again, i don't know why.
the only thing i know (and am sure of) is that i shouldn't be letting myself have these thoughts at this time simply because it's exams week. then again, they keep coming back, they seem to haunt me. i don't know why. i could have easily thought of these things in the past when i had more time. but no. it just has to happen now. i don't know if its main purpose is to keep me out of focus from reviewing.
i feel sad, disturbed and confused... there are reasons apparently. what i'm not sure of is if they are reasons at all. i feel helpless and so alone. i normally have instant "solutions" to these. but right now, my defenses are all down. again, i don't know why.
there are things that are most properly just left "hanging around" my head if only to keep my sanity and not to disturb the "normal" order of things. for how long? i don't particularly know... maybe, just maybe, forever.
# posted by ryan quan @ 2:25 AM 
